What is the difference between a composer and a letter carrier? One writes the notes, the other delivers them.

Q: How do you tell if an electric bass is out of tune?
A: If the strings are vibrating.

What kind of a band doesn’t play music? A rubber band.

Q: What's the difference between a lawnmower and an Electric Bass?
A: You can tune a lawnmower.

Why do we say “aMen” and not “aWomen?” We sing hymns not hers.

Most authorities agree that music of antiquity was written a long time ago."

Why does the orchestra have bad manners? Because it doesn't know how to conduct itself.

A young boy and his mother are walking down the street and the boy turns to his mother and says "when I grow up I want to be a musician." His mother replies "Now son, you can't do both!"

What do you call someone who hates operas? An operator (opera hater).

Q: How do you make a drummers car more aerodynamic?
A: Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof.

What famous dance music did Charles Dickens write? Oliver Twist.

What kind of phone makes music? A saxophone.

Q: What do you call an "in-tune electric bass?"
A: An oxymoron.

What musical instrument from Spain helps you fish? A cast-a-net (catanet).

Probably the most famous fugue was between the Hatfields and the McCoys.

Why did the drummer put his head on the piano? Because he wanted to play by ear.

Q: What do you call a person who hangs out with musicians?
A: A drummer.

What musical instrument doesn’t tell the truth? A lyre (lair)

Q: What's the difference between a bass player and a certificate of deposit?
A: The CD will eventually mature and make money.

Why doesn’t the bass work? Because it only knows how to play.

Q: What do you call two electric bassists trying to play in unison?
A: Counterpoint.

What kind of music does a ghost play? Haunting melodies

If a band plays music in a thunderstorm, who is most likely to get hit by lightning? The conductor.

Why are pianos so noble? Because many are upright and the others are grand.

A actual student quote: my favorite classical piece is the bronze lullaby.

Why are jazz musicians so sweet? Because they play in jam sessions.

A bluegrass bassist wants to improve his playing and decides to go to the academy of music and become a serious musician. But first he has to pass a little test in musical theory. The teacher asks him, "What is the subdominant of 'C'?" The bluegrass-bassist doesn't come up with an answer, so the teacher says, "Could it be, you don't know what a subdominant is?" "Of course I know that!", he says. The teacher then asks, "So, what's the problem?" "I always thought, that 'C' IS the subdominant!"

Why couldn’t anyone find the famous composer? Because he was Hayden (hiding).

I know what a sextet is but I'd rather not say.

What musical instrument does a skeleton play? A trombone.

Q: How many bluegrass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They won't touch anything electric.

What loud instrument do you carry in your ears? Drums (ear drums).

A harp is a nude piano.

How do you get out of a locked room if it has a bass in it? You play until you find the key and then use it to get out.

Why did the mother put her baby on the phonograph? Because it had an automatic changer.

Q: How many sound technicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, two, three, one, two, three.

Why is a bass like a car? Because it’s best when it’s tuned up.

Viola Da Gamba is a well known instrument few people have ever heard of.

What would you get if you crossed an ipod with a refrigerator? Very cool music.

Most composers don't come alive until they are dead.

What has eight feet and can sing in harmony? A barbershop quartet.

Q: What is the first sign you're Halluncinating?
A: Two bass players are playing in tune.

What dance did the Pilgrims do? The Plymouth Rock.

Q: What's the difference between a musician and a pizza?
A: A pizza can feed a family of four.

What dance do hippies hate? A square dance.

Music played at the same time by two people is called a duel.